Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
