I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
