Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize