so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
