I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
