I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
