I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
