Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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