Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
