Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
