I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
