I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
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