I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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