Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Found the puke drawer
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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