Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
