Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
