So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
