You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize