Is it normal to miss your booty call?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
