His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
