TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
