Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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