im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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