Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
