He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
