Your face is a jimmy john
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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