I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
