piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
