So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
