No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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