ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
