How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize