Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
