If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize