I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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