Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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