I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
