i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize