She announced her abortion via fbk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
