I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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