Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
