If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
