I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
