There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
