i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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