@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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