I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
