Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
