It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
