Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
