Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
soo... how was my night?
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