hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
