I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
