So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
