I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
