Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
