He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
