Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
