i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
