opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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