Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
