happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
