Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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