shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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