im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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