is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
