I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
