You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
