i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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