Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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