some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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