Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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