we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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